TAMPA, Fla. — “Say something,” says Colter Ray, professor of communication at the University of Tampa. 

For more than a decade, Ray has studied how people communicate with cancer patients. His findings suggest the worst thing someone can do for a friend or loved one battling cancer… is nothing.

“You need to be present, not perfect,” Ray told Spectrum Bay News 9.

Ray does concede people can err when they do talk to cancer patients, either saying something hurtful or being too direct telling the cancer patient what to do.

But more so, Ray said the biggest misstep was to simply not say anything at all.

“The most common thing is, ‘I don’t think what to say’ or ‘I’m afraid I’m going to say the wrong thing.’ It’s getting stuck in your own head,” Ray said.

Ray said his recent research — talking to cancer patients ages 18-39 — showed that two-thirds had experienced a friend or loved one they thought would be supportive, instead saying nothing in support.

Ray related it to baseball.

He said many people are afraid they won’t be able to hit a ‘home run.’ But even a small bit of support would constitute a ‘single’ or a ‘double.’

“Just telling them, ‘Hey, I’m here for you if you need me. I care about you.’ That’s the equivalent of getting a base hit,” Ray said, theorizing that not saying anything is the equivalent of not swinging the bat at all.

Ray said his research also showed some cancer patients were often surprised by who did show support. They cited some of their strongest support came from those who had dealt with cancer themselves.

Melanie Snow, a Bay-area woman who battled breast cancer after her diagnosis in 2019, agreed with Ray’s findings.

She said she expected support from many family members who instead failed to even call her. On the flip side, she said some people she hadn’t talked to since high school reached out to deliver helpful messages.

“It doesn’t have to be monumental,” Snow said. “You don’t have to do some grand gesture. Just let them know you’re there and that can be everything.”